What phrases is your boyfriend, fiancé, or spouse saying to you that should make you pause and reevaluate your relationship? Reevaluating your relationship now can save you years of torture, heartbreak, and even death in the future. Take time to see the truth and be honest with yourself.
What is Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse is a learned behavior. It is not a sickness or a condition. Therefore, it is vital, to be honest with yourself about the behaviors of the person you are giving your heart to and sharing your life with. When someone says they love you, you need to know what their definition and design of love looks like. Likewise, you also need to know yours.
Each person comes to your relationship with your definition and design of love which was formed from your beliefs and life experiences. Unfortunately, our design of love will always be imperfect and flawed, unless you are using Christ’s sign of love. If your significant other or your spouse is using these phrases, you are being abused.
- If you:
- If you did things right, then, I wouldn’t get mad.
- If you were prettier, then, I wouldn’t look at other women.
- If you loved me, then, you would realize that I need to blow off steam.
- When you:
- When you treat me like a king, then I will listen.
- When you are the perfect wife, then you can ask me for something.
- When you question me, you know I get mad.
- You better:
- You better be on your best behavior or else.
- You better do what I say, or else.
- You better not tell anyone about what just happened, or there will be hell to pay.
These are just a few of the comments that abusers use to justify their bad behavior and to manipulate the victim into believing she can fix things. The definition of domestic abuse is the coercion, manipulation, and the controlling behavior of one person over the other in an intimate relationship.
Be Truthful with Yourself
You may have heard one phrase, but you are telling yourself it was just one comment. He said he was joking. Ask yourself if you would let a stranger say what your abuser said to you. If you wouldn’t let a stranger talk to you that way, why are you letting someone who professes to love you talk to you that way? A million other victims of domestic abuse have told themselves the same thing. They ignored the warnings and gave their spouse another chance only to be abused again or even killed.
The frequency and level of abuse may change, but the certainty of being abused will not. When you are with an abusive person, they will continue to do what they know until they choose to learn and act in healthy ways.
Domestic abuse becomes a loop that must be broken before it pulverizes your mind, spirit, self-worth, hope, and life. Only you can stop the cycle, but you must do it safely. If you are in immediate danger, please call the domestic abuse hotline now. 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE); or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD HEARING IMPAIRED)
You Have the Power to Break Through
The only thing you can change in your life is your decisions and behaviors. You were created to be loved according to Christ’s design of love. You deserve to know what it is like to feel loved, cherished, safe, and secure. Don’t settle for having an abusive partner in your life just so you are not alone.
You can begin your journey of healing and a healthy life and astonishing love when you let Christ’s design of love be your foundation and compass. After coming through twenty-years of abuse in several marriages, I am proof that when you follow Christ’s design of love, your life can be renewed and astounding!
Need more information about the facts of abuse and the signs of abuse, go to https://godstransforminggrace.com/signs-of-healthy-unhealthy-and-toxic-or-abusive-relationships
