“This year we’re going to have a perfect holiday. All the kids are coming. We will play games, have great meals, and it will be wonderful!” I’ve had these thoughts in the past along with hundreds of other women, only to end in disappointment. Our desire was to have our families gather together in happy close relationships. However, when our desires don’t meet reality, we are disappointed. How can we turn our disappointment into peace and gratefulness?
Three Ways to Avoid Disappointment
- Own Your Fantasy Dreams
Although we desire to have our family gather and be happy and grow deeper relationships, we must realize that our desires can lead to expectations and fantasies. Our desires, expectations, and fantasies come from our core needs to feel loved, valued, have purpose, and feel like we belong. When we think other people can fulfill our desires or core needs, we will be disappointed.
Each one of us is responsible for our own happiness. To feel happy and fulfilled we must intentionally choose to work with Jesus every day and let him fulfill our core needs. We must learn to acknowledge and evaluate if our plans with others are coming from our personal desires, expectations, and fantasies or if they include the individual realities of everyone involved.
2. Be Realistic
about your family relationships, dynamics, and individual personalities
Our personal desires, expectations, and fantasies are created to fill our heart. However, they don’t take into account the individual’s personality, preferences, desires, or responsibilities of everyone coming for the holidays. It’s easy to get lost in the fantasy of having a Hallmark movie holiday especially if some family members have been difficult in the past.
No matter how much we want people to get along and grow closer, it’s not our decision. We have no power to change people’s personality, attitude, or individual choice. Wishing, wanting, and praying for everything to be perfect won’t necessarily make it a reality. However, when you walk with Jesus you can create a space of peace, acceptance, and joy that your company can choose to receive or reject.
3. Create a Home of Joy, Unconditional Love, and Freedom
“a new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” (John 13:34, NIV)
you are the light of the world. (Matt. 5:14, NIV)
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” (John 15:11, NIV)
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Rom. 15:13, NIV)
All of these verses help us understand our role and purpose for the people who enter our home. We can never forget that we may be the only Jesus our family members see. As Chris disciples we all have the fruits of the Holy Spirit in us, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. Our family members need us to be as healthy and loving as possible.
We must choose to show God’s love, joy and give others the freedom to make their choices without any rejection, guilt, or shame. Jesus allowed us to make our choices and we must do the same with her family members. Christ love has healthy boundaries but it also allows for freedom.
Create a Realistic Loving Plan and Enjoy
For years I tried to create meals and times to be together around everyone’s schedule, only to end up frustrated, angry, and disappointed. To solve this problem, I chose to create a schedule of a few meals and times to be together. I did not fill up every day on purpose.
After creating the schedule, I talked with my children and let them know that I understood their schedules were busy when they came for a visit. I wanted them to know that they were free to come and go and to join us if they could for the times I had scheduled. I told them I was just thrilled they were coming in whatever time they could share with us would be wonderful.
By creating this plan, I could stay in reality and be respectful of my children’s desires, responsibilities, and plans with other people I had made during the holidays. Staying in reality helps me give them the freedom to choose. It also freed me from falling into a fantasy that could never be fulfilled. Staying in reality and choosing to be grateful helps me keep my joy and peace. As I kept my joy and peace, my children seemed to relax more and have a better time as well.
What Will You Choose this Holiday Season?
Because of COVID and all of the other issues we have faced during the last two years, many of us are looking forward to spending time with one another during the holidays. More than ever we realize how precious time can be with the ones we love. The question is we let your excitement create unrealistic desires, expectations, and fantasies or will you create a realistic plan centered in Christ’s love?
In my life, I know that if I do not create a plan, I will continue to do what I did in the past by default. To make sure your holiday season is the best it can be, I encourage you to create a realistic plan. If it is possible to include your family members’ input, get on the phone and ask questions? If you know the dynamics are too difficult, create a few specific times and a bunch of free time which allows your family members to choose.
I know how hard it is to keep your attitude and heart focused on gratefulness and joy when you have difficult dynamics in your family. As Christ’s disciple, go to him in prayer and preparation. Choose specific Scriptures to recite when the enemy brings doubts, or negative feelings. Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5, NIV)
You can do all you can with Jesus to make your holidays happy. However, always remember every person has a choice and we have no power to change them. Take what’s good and surrender anything unhealthy into the hands of Jesus. Make moments you have with others be filled with Christ love, joy, peace!
