“I’m your boss. You will follow my orders without comment or discussion, or you can leave.”
“We have systems we follow that have proven to be beneficial. Once you have worked here for a while and you know the systems, if you find a better way, I’m open to discussing your idea.”
These two leading styles show the difference between being a dictator in the first example or a leader in the second. What makes people choose a leading style? How does their perception of who they are, influence their choice?
Our Beginnings Influence Our Choice to Be A Dictator or Leader
Our childhood significantly influences who we think we are or our identity. We form our first identity beliefs from our experiences, the messages we hear, and the expectations we or other people place on us. Who we believe we are influences how we deal with people in healthy, unhealthy, or toxic ways. We choose to be a dictator or a leader.
Dictator:
If you grew up believing or learning that you had to take what you wanted or needed to protect yourself or to prove you existed, you could believe that you have to control people. Control and power become part of who you believe you must be to stay safe, to have what you want and need, and to be “someone.” Your power identity is your way to avoid any more painful experiences, being taken advantage of, or controlled.
In this mindset, you will treat others as a dictator. A dictator is a ruler with total power obtained by force, like Hitler. Unfortunately, dictators are narcissistic and all about themselves regardless of what it costs or does to others. Dictators use all types and combinations of abuse to get what they want. Fear is one of their favorite forms of control, which follows the tactics of abusive people.
When you believe you must have power over everyone to be yourself and you are professing to be a disciple of Christ, you are not obeying God’s commands or living like Christ. Living in a dictator identity makes you a god in your mind. Being your own god goes against the first commandment. “Thou shall have no other gods before me.” (Exod. 20:3)
We’re not born knowing how to love others as Jesus loves us, and we aren’t instantly downloaded with his knowledge when we receive salvation. However, as Christ’s disciples, we are responsible for learning what it means to follow and imitate him. Jesus tells us. “You error because you don’t know God’s word or his power.” (Matt. 22:29)
You may have grown up in a difficult environment where you learned unhealthy communication and behaviors, and false beliefs about your identity. However, when you choose to follow Jesus and proclaim to be his disciple, you must learn to work with him and surrender to his ways. Without knowing who you are in Christ, you can spend a lifetime trying to protect yourself and live in a false dictator identity.
You can’t live in a destructive, self-absorbed dictator identity and live in your Christ-identity as his disciple at the same time. Jesus tells us that we can’t serve two masters. To follow Jesus is to learn to love, serve, and work with others in his unity of love. Following Jesus means we will love others equally AS ourselves.
Leader:
If you grew up in a nurturing home and you had a voice, you learned how to work with others in cooperation. This ideal home life happens for some people. However, most of us grew up somewhere between these two examples.
Many of us have learned that working together can be easier and better through our trials and errors with people. We have learned to give, take, and compromise as long as it is not a moral or salvation-based issue. As we continue to learn, we are not intimidated or threatened by another person’s opinion or suggestion. We have learned to see the opportunity in every beginning, event, and ending.
When we choose to follow Jesus, we commit to learning his ways and working with him to be transformed into his likeness. Jesus came to earth as a teacher, servant, and leader. His very nature is all about the freedom to choose. It’s our turn now to let him teach us how to lead by his example and to love others as he loves us.
We will be held Accountable for Our Leadership Style Choice
Jesus said. “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.” (Matt. 12:36, ESV) What we say to people and how we say it matters now and for eternity. If we have not repented for the words and actions that have disrespected or dishonored people and Christ living in us, we will answer to Jesus face to face. True repentance means that you stop using sinful words and actions that hurt others when you lead others. You also change your dictator identity and mindset by renewing your mind in God’s word.
The only way to change what you think and do is to learn God’s truth and Christ’s ways and implement them in your life every day. True transformation in my life only came when I walked hand in hand with Jesus. I studied God’s word. I listened to only praise music. I committed to spending time with him in prayer and conversation every day, and my personal relationship with him has grown deeper.
Choose Wisely
We all lead other people at one time or another in our marriage, at home with kids or pets, in a group, or in other places. Being a part of God’s body means we will interact and participate. I pray that you can identify more with being a leader than a dictator. If you are more of a dictator, seek professional help from an experienced Christian counselor in this field.
Remember, you always have the choice to choose what style of leadership you will lead with or to change aspects that would not make Jesus smile. Grow your relationship with Jesus, and let him continue to transform your mind, heart, leadership style, and life to be more like his!
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