In my abusive marriage, my isolation continued. Anytime I would begin to get close to someone my ex-husband would break off the friendship with their spouse or tell them lies so they would stop being my friend. In the midst of surviving I didn’t see the manipulation and reality as abuse because my abusive ex-husband would use this pain to prove there was something wrong with me. When I made my decision to leave my marriage, I found myself with many opportunities to make new friends, but I didn’t know how to find healthy friends.
Living in Christ’s love involves all the aspects of our imperfect human condition filtered and transformed through the pure love of Jesus in us. Loving our enemies or people who profess to love us, doesn’t mean we need to volunteer to let them hurt us. In fact, if they truly love us, they would love us as Christ did with selfless love.
Abuse/Domestic Violence, Faith Struggles and Strengthening, Oppressing Thoughts or Mind Matters, Relationships, Struggles
What is God’s Design of Love and Marriage Verses The Worlds
February 12, 2018The world defines marriage as a try-out relationship between any combination of male and female. The world’s idea of marriage is based on self-gratification, personal preference, and it can be terminated for any reason. Starting any relationship with these elements as its foundation sets the relationship up for failure automatically. In fact, God tells us specifically how we are to treat each other in Christ’s love within our marriage. He also talks about divorce in the Bible. As our creator, God knows we will twist His definition of marriage to meet our selfish, sinful desires. However, this doesn’t change His design for marriage and the characteristics we should reveal as a Christ-follower in our marriage.
The billions of accepted imperfect truths about love and marriage are the ultimate playground for the devil. He loves to invite you to get on the merry-go-round of trying to fix yourself. You spin around with the hope that being what he wants will magically make him stop hurting you and love you. The enemy uses your swinging emotions to lure victims on the monkey-bars of blame. He makes you believe everything is your responsibility to carry and move along, and it’s your fault if anything goes wrong. The devil loves to place you on the see-saw of a few good moments to keep you fantasizing your abuser is secretly a loving person amidst all the pain you experience daily.
If God doesn’t require you to be perfect or something you are not, then it’s not God’s design for your spouse, who professes to love you, to demand perfection from you. You alone have the power to choose what you believe as your truth.
After all my loose papers were in the right pile, I organized and prioritized them. I chose to take all my chaos and turn it into an opportunity to take inventory. After my clean up session, I knew what resources I had or needed, what I had done, and what I needed to do. I felt like I had not only cleaned my office, but I had cleared my mind. With a clear head, I found new strength and determination to continue my mission for the day with clear purpose.
Overcome Your Anxiety, Fear, And Powerlessness In Your Hurtful Relationship. Are You Being Abused?
January 18, 2018I spent thirteen years in an abusive marriage to a “Christian” man because I believed if I separated from him or divorced him, God would be mad at me and not forgive me. I was in the same place many of you are right now—confused, and uncertain.
Many Christians take the stand that the woman shouldn’t work. However, in this day and age, it often takes both the husband and wife to work to live above the poverty level. I look at the verses in Proverbs 31. God’s word describes the wife with activities including purchasing materials, buying property, planting vineyards, doing business which includes managing people, and also taking care of her family. Women must be prepared to become the sole provider due to unexpected death, abandonment, or divorce. To ensure you are prepared to be the sole provider, you’ll need to figure out what you like to do and what skills you need to learn to build a career.
If you choose to continue to let your emotions lead your mind and decision, you will be like a hamster in her exercise wheel running aimlessly going nowhere. All of the negative emotions listed at the top will continue to increase and intensify leaving you more confused and feeling powerless. They will take over any positive emotions, and you’ll be left with depression and anxiety that will show up in your physical condition as panic attacks, stomach issues, or addiction to ease your pain.