Although fairytale fantasies are fiction, we often face some of the same elements in our life. We face difficult people and circumstances, we struggle with fear and self-worth, and we want our happily-ever-after on this broken earth. In our real life, every choice has an effect and consequence. We can’t wish our challenges away or pretend they don’t exist like in a fantasy.
We are one-half of our marriage. If we only commit halfway to our marriage, how can we expect a deep, rich, healthy, happy marriage? Likewise, if we are using an imperfect love design with unhealthy aspects, how can we expect our marriage to be healthy?
The only person you can change is yourself with the help of Christ. Our marriage is like a series of dance steps. When one partner changes a step, the other one will notice even if they don’t say anything at first. When you choose to love your spouse in Christ’s design, the new step is done in his love. Your spouse will choose to react or to respond.
Here’s the big secret you have been waiting to find, and it comes from two verses Jesus tells us.
The best place to start asking questions is with yourself. You must know what you believe, why you believe it, and what God’s truth says about your faith and love. When you know your truth, you can have a conversation with your spouse without feeling like you need to defend yourself or change their mind.
Remember, questions in Christ’s love allows your spouse to answer from their perspective, understanding, opinions, and beliefs. It’s your time to listen and see where they come from and what is in their heart. It’s not your job to change their mind or try to fix them. When they ask what you think, share your truths, and create a safe place, you can discuss how you see things differently and why.
The top type of abuse that is rarely acknowledged or addressed in marriages is verbal abuse. Verbal abuse speaks in disrespectful, degrading, dishonoring manners to manipulate, control, and overpower their spouse psychologically. No one is immune to this learned form of toxic, abusive communication, not even “Christians.”
Many Cristian marriages struggle with fighting, sarcasm, and painful words. They want their marriage to be happy. However, they’re not taught to recognize the verbal cycle of abuse or stop it with Jesus. Let’s look at the husband’s words and the wife’s words to see how the cycle of destruction and abuse happens.
If you’re a disciple of Christ, and you sense that you’re stuck in an unhealthy or abusive cycle of communication or behaviors in your marriage, listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit. As you learn from this blog post, there are various factors that many Christians are never made aware of or taught. However, now you know that you have an option to learn how to operate in Christ’s love design instead of using your broken love design.
You can stop struggling to fix your marriage and learn about Christ’s love design. As you work with him and uncover the lies you have believed, he will transform your definition and design of love into his. When you’re using Christ’s love design, you take the tug of wills between your broken love design and your spouse’s out of your relationship.
The enemy wants us to believe our broken love is automatically transformed into God’s and Christ’s love when we receive Salvation. We never stop to evaluate our definition and understanding of love. Most Christians are not taught to look at their love design and learn about Christ’s to see the differences. We don’t know what we don’t know, and nothing will change until we learn and live in God’s truth.