Unfortunately, most Christians don’t realize they are operating from their broken love design or that Jesus has a pure love design for their marriage. Even if they want their marriage to be happy and healthy and try to achieve this goal, they often find themselves in a tug of wills, revealed by a cycle of continual fighting. As long as the couple uses their broken love designs, they will continue to struggle, hurt one another, have an unhealthy marriage, or fall into the destructive cycle of abuse, which can end in divorce or death.
People are just like computers. We can only do what we know how to do. The only way to change what we do is by learning something new and implementing it in our life every day.
In a marriage, each spouse uses their imperfect, unhealthy, or abusive love design to make their marriage conform to their broken definition and understanding of love. Unless we learn and practice loving like Jesus, we will use our broken love design by default. Without Christ’s pure path to love others as he loves us, our relationships will continually struggle in a tug of wills.
I have known Christ since age seven. I have gone to church most of my life, and I grew up in a Christian home. But I still ended up in three abusive marriages with men proclaiming to be Christians. Halfway through my third abusive marriage, I realized that I did not know how to recognize or live in God’s definition of love.
So how come Christians struggle to love and live like Jesus? The answer is we all start with our broken definition and design of love. Until we learn and implement Christ’s love design, we will continue to do what we know. It’s not that there is something wrong with us as believers. We are just missing God’s truth and a clear path to learn about Christ’s love design.
“My husband had a hard day at work, and he came home and yelled at me because I didn’t empty the kitchen trash can before he got home. He said I was always doing things wrong and that I was making his life hard. He didn’t stop until I burst out in tears. He apologized and asked for forgiveness, but…
“My mother-in-law told me that I wasn’t meeting up to her expectations as a wife and mother. She said that I was a mess and a disappointment to everyone. I have been kind, and I have even followed some of her suggestions. But no matter what I do, it is not right or ever good enough.” “One of my oldest…
A face mask can shield us from some destructive airborne germs. What shields us from the airborne destruction of words that disrespect and dishonor us? How can we help people see how life-giving or destructive and deadly words can be? Why has the world made verbally attacking and hurting people easy, fun, and considered “normal?” The staggering number of COVID-19…
If you keep going through friendships, stop, and consider what these past friends have said. Do you demand continual contact or an immediate response to your calls, texts, or emails? Do you get hurt, mad, or any other negative emotion when the person is not responding according to your expectations. Do you think “if only she would _____ then our friendship would be great.” If any of these statements are true for you, it’s vital for you to recognize that you have an unhealthy definition of friendship with unattainable expectations.
As we walk with Jesus and become more like him, we will recognize when we are unhealthy or others around us. We will know how to draw and live in healthy boundaries. We will be able to limit or end the unhealthy relationships that are destructive and toxic in Christ’s love. As we walk with Jesus in our healthy relationships, he will bless us. Disciples of Christ, it’s time to love and live like Jesus Christ in healthy relationships!