To be loved and cherished by my dad was all I wanted as a little girl. However, my dad’s brokenness from his past, his Air Force career, and my mom’s mental illness kept him distant and later condemning. I can never remember a time when my dad ever told me that I was beautiful, a princess, or any other enduring term.
The Impact of a Dad on His Daughter
It took me forty-five years to really understand the impact of my dad’s relationship with me. It influenced how I saw myself and my value, how I placed others way above myself, and the type of husband I would choose. Now, I’m not blaming my dad for my choices. However, I can’t dispute the influences he had on my life.
It is difficult to realize and learn healthier ways when anyone comes out of brokenness and unhealthiness. We all choose what we think, believe, say, and do. No one makes those choices but us. However, when you are Christ’s disciples, we are held to His higher standards. If we don’t know what they are or how to live in them, we must learn.
To all the dads out there, it’s never too late to learn Christ’s healthy, loving ways and possibly heal or change the relationship you have with your daughter. My dad passed away without ever trying to heal any wounds. I forgave him, but I never felt the close bond I always desired. No matter how old a daughter gets, she still has a desire, and she needs to know that her dad loves her with all his heart, no matter what, forever and always.
One of the best experts I have learned from is Dr. James Dobson, a psychologist and expert on family relationships. He wrote this wonderful blog, and I wanted to share it with you dads this Father’s Day.
7 Ways Dads Influence Their Daughters
Fathers have an incalculable impact on their daughters. Most psychologists believe, and I am one of them, that all future romantic relationships are influenced positively or negatively by the way a girl interacts with her dad in the childhood years.
If that is true, then fathers should give careful thought to this responsibility and seek to be what their daughters need of them. There are, I believe, at least seven components to that assignment.
1. A dad’s leadership at home should be a model of strength and authority, but always tempered by love and compassion. Harsh discipline tends to close down a sensitive feminine spirit, but permissiveness and capriciousness can create lifelong disdain for men.
2. A dad must remember that he is being watched closely by that little girl around his knees. The way he treats her mother will teach her volumes about how men and women should relate to one another. Blatant disrespect toward his wife will not be missed by the child.
3. I think it is good to begin “dating” a daughter when she is six years of age, or even earlier. Dad should let the child help plan their evenings and then see that they occur when and where promised. These times together are not intended simply for fun, although that is important. The father can also use them to show his daughter how a man treats a woman he respects. He can open doors for her, help her with her chair, and listen attentively when she speaks. Later, when she is a teenager, she will know what to expect—or insist on—from the boys she dates.
4. A dad should always look for ways to build the self-confidence of his little girl. If she believes he thinks she is pretty and “special,” she will be inclined to see herself that way. He holds the key to her self-acceptance.
5. A father should keep the lines of communication open throughout childhood, so that he is seen as someone to whom his daughter can turn when she needs advice. She will need that counsel before she is grown.
6. God designed men to be the “providers and protectors” of their families. Their daughters should perceive them that way. Dad is often his little girl’s “hero,” and it is wonderful when that kind of relationship develops.
7. A father must be the spiritual leader of his family, making clear his devotion to Jesus Christ and to the principles in Scripture. He should give the highest priority to bringing up his daughters, and his sons, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
It’s not an easy responsibility raising girls, is it? But those who do the job properly can rest in the knowledge that they have given their daughters the best chance for a successful marriage, if they choose to wed. From Dr. Dobson’s book Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide.
Dads, Take the Time to Learn, Heal, and Bless Your Daughter
A daughter doesn’t want a perfect dad when she is young because she already thinks you are the best. She just needs you to love, cherish, teach, and correct her in Christ’s love. She needs to know she can count on you and that you will protect her. She needs your healthy Christ model so that when she thinks of her Father, God, it’s easy for her to love and trust him.
It really matters what you do in her life, and it can affect her decisions about her eternity. Be the dad Christ called you to be. Love your daughter as Jesus loves you, and she will know His love through yours!
