“When you have come to the edge of all the light you have and step into the darkness of the unknown, Believe that one of the two will happen to you. Either you’ll find something solid to stand on or you’ll be taught how to fly!” By Richard Bach
The other day I needed a rag to clean. I took a stained towel out of the drawer and tried to rip it. I was unsuccessful because its protective finished edge was still intact. I reached for the scissors to snip the edge and tore several small rags from the big towel. Holding a rag at arm’s length, I realized how my life mirrored the tattered edges of this rag.
The circumstances, situations, and experiences snipped the edge and protection of my life. It created rips of uncertainty, no safety, and believing I was responsible for others pain and therefore unlovable. These three things are imperative in creating, defining, and protecting the inner core of a child’s life. The absence of them in mine created tattered and fuzzy edges. I didn’t know where I stopped or began in relationships, I was willing to do anything to feel a drop of love, I was afraid to say no because it could mean more abandonment. I felt hopeless, helpless, and a victim just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.
For years my mind struggled to understand. My human half remained in the hurt, pity, and martyrdom of the circumstances, while the spiritual part of me who knew Christ fought and strived to fix my broken edges. God made his presences know to me as far back as I can recall a memory. Even though my life has been a tattered rag canvas, God has placed people along my journey to provide love, encouragement, and protection. His provision attached the rag of my life to a frame to give me the opportunity to let Him create a work of art as I found the edges of my life.
I have spent thousands of hours reading my Bible and other self-help books, counseling, and visiting with Godly women to reach the point I am now. It has taken years but little by little God has provided spiritual threads of His revelation, wisdom, and understanding to help me discover, create, and define who I am, and who I am not. I know where I begin and end better than I ever did before. There is great peace and assurance to know I can choose what I am exposed to in my life and I can trust myself with my yes and no’s. I’m thankful God continues to work on and through me as I foster my personal relationship with Him daily. Instead of fearing the future, now I anticipate the wonders God will reveal every day and in my future as His precious and cherished loved daughter.
How has God worked in the threads of your life?
