It’s that time of year when we surround our houses with twinkling lights, a Holy manger or snowmen in the front yard. We deck our trees and fireplaces with garland, ribbon, and ornaments evoking precious memories from the past. We start making plans for a joyous Christmas dinner with family and friends. This is the ideal setting for a picturesque Christmas, the one we all wish for or aspire to create.
Idyllic Verses Reality
This idyllic Christmas is not the reality for those of you who are in a hurtful or abusive relationship or marriage. You wish this could be your reality, and you would even settle for part of this happy picture. However, you find yourself waking up with more anxiety and worries. You continually make plans to stop or buffer the additional blowups or pain your husband exhibits this time of year. You find yourself walking on thin eggshells whenever your unpredictable husband comes around. You keep hoping and praying this year your husband will wake up like Scrooge or the Grinch and be a loving, thankful, and gentle father and husband. After all, he goes to church and claims to be a Christian.
You Have the Power to Choose to Make Beautiful Memories
I know from personal experience the roller-coaster ride of emotions that come with the Christmas season when you are married to an abusive husband. The only way my love for Christmas endured was because I kept remembering the reason for Christmas—the hope and saving grace of Jesus Christ. I chose to believe Christmas wasn’t about the festivities, decorations, or presents. Christmas became my opportunity to hold on to my hope of God’s promises and rejoice that I was not alone. I kept looking for my Star of Bethlehem to find my way through my traverse life. I knew deep in my heart and spirit that abuse was not God’s will for my life or for my children, but I didn’t know how to find my way out.
Focus on Jesus
When I choose to keep my focus on loving and being thankful for Jesus, I found his peace and joy. I wasn’t consumed with my husband’s mood and focused on all the bad things that “could” happen. This didn’t prevent my abusive husband from blowing up or hurting my children and me. However, it helped us believe God would provide a way for us to overcome our pain just like He did for Jesus on this broken earth.
As I trusted Jesus, I realized I couldn’t change my spouse’s attitudes, reactions to his memories, or prevent him from blowing up. All I could control was my thoughts, choices, words, actions, and attitudes. I made it my mission to create happy memories for my children and me when my husband wasn’t around. I shared my joy and the hope of Jesus that one day we would be loved, safe, and happy even if it was just the three of us.
You Can Find God’s Healing Path
If you’re at this place in your life’s journey this Christmas season, I want you to know you are not alone. I encourage you to keep seeking Jesus and following his ways. I am proof you can find your Star of Bethlehem that leads you to the love, safety, and abundant life Jesus came to give you. Jesus’ life and death, proves he and God knew you were worth dying for. They also promised to never leave you or forsake you. Hold on to their promises and ask them to help you find your Star of Bethlehem to lead you to your healing path and overcome abuse in your life!
