As a disciple of Christ, I know being all about “me,” like the world says, is dangerous. If I focus solely on my desires, wants, and needs, I lose sight of the fact that I am here because my Father, God, knit me inside my mother’s womb. (Psalms 139:13) I also lose sight of the fact that I have been saved and redeemed because of the sacrifice Jesus made for me.
So, what does it mean to love yourself as commanded in the second greatest commandment? You shall love your neighbor AS yourself. (Matt. 22:39)
Two Self-love Roadblocks
First, we must understand that we can only love ourselves according to our definition of love and what we believe we deserve. Let’s look closer at these aspects and see what God says. The only way to change your definition of love and align it with God’s is to learn Christ’s love design and let him implement it with you every day.
Your love beliefs. No one is born knowing the definition and design of Christ’s pure love. We all grow up and form our imperfect love design from our messages, experiences, beliefs, and role models. Unfortunately, most of us don’t realize that we may be operating from our broken love design even if we accept salvation early.
It took me forty-five years to realize that even though I loved Jesus and did my best to follow him, I kept making toxic love choices. I was so frustrated and confused, and I know I’m not alone. I became determined to find God’s truth, and I studied his word and the life of Jesus. When I compared my understanding of love next to Christ’s examples, I realized why I kept making unhealthy love choices.
I could see that my love experiences growing up had taught me that I had to earn love, and no matter how I was treated, I had to forgive them and let them back in my life to be a good Christian. These messages were unhealthy, unbiblical, and they made me vulnerable to being sucked into abuse. Through God’s revelation, I understood that my definition of love had determined my choices.
However, now that I knew all the aspects of Christ’s love, I began to make healthy love choices. Christ’s love is the freedom to choose who’s love I followed. He helped me see that the way he loves us is the way I must love myself because Christ lives in me.
- I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Gal. 2:20, NIV)
- Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? (1 Cor. 3:16, NIV)
What you deserve. Although you may say that you deserve to be loved, what does that really mean? Whenever I get confused, I was looking at the definitions of words to find clarity. Webster defines the word deserve to do something or have or show qualities worthy of reward. Let’s also look at the word entitled defined by Webster to mean inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.
The problem with both of these definitions comes from the fact they are rooted in our qualities or performance. These definitions are based on the world’s understanding of love. But God shows us a different picture of love.
- So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 1 John 4:16
- In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:9-10
- We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19
In our human condition, the only way we can see and understand God’s love for us is to know who we are in Christ. We must know our Christ identities to be able to accept and receive the unconditional ever-flowing love of God in us through Christ. When we accept Jesus as our Savior, he dwells in us, and we are his temple. At this point, nothing can separate us from the love of God.
God never asks us to earn his love. He created us from his love, and he loves us because we are his creation.
Loving Ourselves
To love ourselves, let us look at Christ’s example. We are so blessed to be able to read about Christ’s life in the human form. Being fully man, Jesus shows us how important it is to love ourselves. We can see his self-love in the way he took care of himself. He took care of his spirit by spending time with God every day and asking him what to do first. Jesus also took care of the spirit through obedience and trusting God’s plans for him and all mankind. Jesus took care of his mind and heart by making sure his thoughts and motives followed God’s word.
He took care of his body through nourishment, exercise, and rest. Jesus also took care of his mind, heart, emotions, and body by setting healthy boundaries. Jesus never allowed anyone to mislead, deceive, manipulate, use, or abuse him in any way. All of these examples show us how to love ourselves according to Christ.
No matter what we have believed in the past, today, you can choose to love yourself as Jesus loves himself. You are not being selfish when you take care of yourself in the ways Jesus did. Following his example of self-love is obedience.
To follow Christ’s example, I encourage you to choose one way you can love yourself like Jesus did every day. It may be a bubble bath, a quiet time with Jesus, or saying no and setting a healthy boundary. Plan how you will love yourself, and you will be amazed how Christ will remain at the center of your thoughts, words, and actions!
To help you spend time with Jesus or plan to take better care of yourself, see the following resources.
Walking with Jesus Printable Week Journal OR Healthy Meal Planner: 1 Month Plan Paradox Focus
