“I can look as long as I don’t touch. We can learn about sex and spice up our marriage by watching this sexy movie.” The rationales to look lustfully at another person or to view pornography can destroy your Christian marriage. Lust is not an option as a disciple of Christ. Jesus is very clear about lust. He said, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:28)
What is Adultery According to the Bible
In the Bible, adultery is a married person having sexual relations with someone other than their spouse. Jesus explained adultery as anyone who looks lustfully has already committed adultery in their heart. God also addresses adultery in one of the Ten Commandments. “You shall not commit adultery.” (Exod. 20:14)
When you proclaim to be Christ’s disciple, you are doing your best to walk in his example. There’s NO rationale or justification for choosing to live in lust fantasy that paints a picture in your mind of anyone other than your spouse. God created marriage to be a safe, respectful, and holy place for a man and a woman to learn to love one another sexually.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24) God doesn’t tell us to watch other couples having sex or lust for anyone because we are to remain “one” with our spouse. All lust fantasies go against the love of God and His design for marriage. Lust dishonors the love, life, and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, who is living in us. We must remember that Jesus endures everything we do and what we allow others to do to us.
Destruction of Lust Fantasies
Dr. Jill Manning, a researcher on relationships, was quoted by Monica Marshall: “In the US, 56% of divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” This statistic covers both non-Christians and people who proclaim to follow Christ as “Christians.” Not all “Christians” professing to follow Christ are truly following the commands of Jesus and God.
Unfortunately, many “Christians” grew up in homes or with society’s message excusing lust and pornography as a normal thing, educational, just a phase, or a needed release. In Satan’s plan, the corruption about love separates us from our flesh and blood spouse in front of us. The fantasies keep us from taking responsibility and fixing the individual issues that hooked us into lust fantasies from the start.
Lust and pornography pull a person into sexual fantasies that bring another person or people into our marriage. They blur the lines between what is real and what is not. Lust opens the door for Satan to get a stronghold into your sinful flesh desires that’s difficult to break free.
Lust fantasies feed our sin-focused self-centeredness and deceive us into believing we must be in control to meet our sexual needs. They objectify women and men and increase the risk of devaluing your spouse. As you devalue and objectify your spouse, marriage becomes all about you and breaks your partnership.
Lust fantasies rob us of our privilege to learn and grow with our spouse as an equal partner. Lust is about your sexual gratification and using your power to satisfy yourself with no regard, honor, or respect for your spouse. Living in this sinful state can lead to verbal and many other types of abuse because abuse is all about power, control, self-focus, and self-gratification.
Destructive Cost of Lust Fantasies
Your partner feels the hurt of your unfaithfulness in adultery. When you continue to live in the adultery of lustful fantasies, how can you expect your spouse to love and respect you? How can you believe living in the sin of adultery while claiming to be Christ’s disciple will not end in destruction? How can you have a happy, healthy marriage founded on Christ’s love when you live in lust fantasies?
According to a study by NCBI, the number one cause for divorce in 2020 was infidelity. This fact covers non-Christian and Christian couples, which is very sad. Losing your marriage breaks the heart of God because of the destruction to the spouses and the children.
I know how having a spouse choosing to live in the sin of pornography destroys the trust, respect, and self-esteem of the other spouse. There is no good in sin. Jesus is clear that lust is a sin. If you choose to live in a life of lust fantasies, you are choosing to destroy any chance at a happy, healthy marriage founded in Christ’s love.
Living in God’s Marriage Design Protects our Marriage
Without knowing Christ’s love design or how to live in it, we can open the door to the enemy through a lust fantasy. If you didn’t realize that any sexual thoughts or images you form in your mind of a person, picture, or story other than your spouse is a sin, now you know God’s truth. If you struggle with lust, seek professional help immediately, and you may be able to save your marriage.
God created marriage between one man and one woman with Christ as our foundation and example. When you proclaim to be a “Christian” or a disciple of Christ, that means you are doing your best with Jesus every day to live a life mirroring his. You will love your spouse as if they were Jesus because Christ lives in them.
When you realize that Jesus is living in you and doing everything you do, you will reevaluate your choices if you are truly his disciple. So Jesus said to those Jews who had believed in Him, “If you abide in My word [hold fast to My teachings and live in accordance with them], you are truly My disciples.” (John 8:31, AMPC)
The apostle Paul tells us. “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”(Eph. 5:25)
The only way to have a happy, healthy, thriving marriage in Christ is to live according to his love design and the example of his life. If lust fantasies have hurt you or you are in the middle of this sin, seek professional help from an experienced Christian counselor. You can overcome with God. “With God, all things are possible!” (Luke 1:37)
Learn more about Christ’s love design and what healthy and unhealthy relationships looks like on the resource tab at God’s Transforming Grace.com.
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