My husband gets mad once in a while and says a few mean things. He hits the wall or throws something, but he is under a lot of stress. He asks me to be understanding because we are both Christians, so why do I feel so confused and conflicted?
I asked these same questions from a Christian friend many years ago. She advised me to pray for my husband, forgive him, and be understanding. For many years my spirit struggled with this advice. I did not know how I could understand why my Christian husband hurt me or how God could be okay with the way he treated me.
As I sought answers from God, I found a study Bible at the book store. I began to study God’s word for myself, and everything changed. I studied the first four books of the New Testament, the gospels, and all their commentary. The Gospels showed me God’s truth about His design of love in the heart, character, and pure loving actions of Jesus for all people, especially women. In Jesus time, women were considered lowly and yet he showed them respect, kindness, gentleness, goodness, mercy, grace, and love. He never spoke to women with mean or degrading words. He did not blame women, manipulate them, or control them. Jesus loved women, and they respected him.
Jesus instructed us to forgive those who hurt us. However, he did not tell women to understand or allow ourselves to be hurt, humiliated, manipulated, a doormat, or controlled by our Christian husband. In fact, God’s loving design for marriage is for a husband to love their wife and treat her as if she was Christ himself.
When you are a child of God, it is your Biblical right and responsibility to find out God’s truth about love and marriage for yourself. Discover as I have, there is no way to understand nor should you tolerate the destruction of abuse which defies God’s heart, character, love, and word. To allow your husband to hurt you because you are a Christian is to allow him to hurt Jesus Christ himself because Jesus lives in you and you are his temple.
You are not responsible for, nor are you the cause of your husband’s destructive, abusive, sinful behavior. Only he can decide to repent and work with Jesus and be healed first before your marriage can be healed.
I know first-hand from twenty years of abuse, the complexities and hard decisions you will have to make to move to the healed side of abuse through God’s transforming grace. However, I also know when you are a daughter of God, you have the power of Christ in you. The power to take control of your life to live safe, secure, and loved.
Through the power and grace of God, stop the abuse in your life and move to the healed side of domestic violence. Seek help from professionals who are trained in abuse and domestic violence today. Let them help you create a safety plan to keep you and your children safe. (I have also provided a link at the bottom of the article.) If you are in immediate danger call a safe house near you or click on this link: http://www.domesticviolence.org/personalized-safety-plan/
National Domestic Violence Hotline open 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233; hearing impaired call 1-800-787-3224.
You are not alone. Please join other women and me as we focus on moving to the healed side of abuse and domestic violence and strengthening our relationship with Jesus to remain safe, secure, and loved.
Also, I am making a call out to anyone who will take a united stand with me to end abuse and domestic violence. Pledge to LoveOneAnother on my Facebook page by following me.
