Prince Charming, James Bond, and King Arthur are often mentioned in women’s fantasies. Many women are captivated by their adventures and romance. These fantasies might seem harmless, but what if they open the door to being unfaithful to their spouse in their minds?
- In 2017, the Romance/Erotica book genera sold 1.44 BILLION books.
- Every second, 30 thousand people are viewing porn. Porn is roughly a $13 BILLION industry.
These numbers confirm that millions of people are searching for a way to feel connected and loved through fantasy. When you get caught up in lustful fantasies, you can’t see how you are hurting your mind, heart, spirit, spouse, and life. You become focused on yourself and fuel the temptations of lust in your mind, which lead to sin.
What’s the Harm of Fantasy?
The hook of fantasy happens in your mind. The fictional men in romance books seem to have it all, but they aren’t real. Our human nature is to want what we don’t have instead of being grateful for what we have. Fantasy is driven by your emotions concerning your five ultimate needs—to feel safe, to feel loved, to feel valued, to belong, and to have a purpose.
Feeling loved is the hope, wish, and dream of every person on this earth. Fantasy fuels your dream that if you had “a perfect man” who always thinks your beautiful, who doesn’t see any of your faults, and who will always do what you want, your life would be great.
When you have the opportunity to create the perfect man of your dreams, it’s easy to use fantasy to make up for what you think is missing in your relationship. However, the genre of fantasy is classified as fiction, which means it is not real.
Truth About Fantasies
Let’s get right to the truth about fantasies. The definition of fantasy is the activity of imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable.
In a healthy context, the power of imagination or fantasies has helped people invent the airplane, the polio vaccine, prosthetics, and numerous other helpful inventions. These good results of people’s imagination are helpful, honoring, and respectful.
Unfortunately, there is evil and a devil in the world. He influences people to be self-absorbed, greedy, lustful, and power hungry. People influenced by evil choose to use their imagination to take a helpful vaccine and turn it into a destructive chemical weapon. Evil twists love into self-focused acts of self-gratification that disrespect, dishonor, and abuse the one they profess to love. Evil has highlighted women as objects to be used, possessed, and discarded.
The truth about fantasies is that you cannot live a make-believe life. No matter how much you fantasize, reality will always prevail. God created every imperfect person with a free will. As you live on this earth, you are limited by the laws of gravity, the limitations of your imperfect body, and the confines of time.
You’re faced with responsibilities, requirements, and challenges every day. You will struggle to stay in the present moment amidst the busyness and information overload in the world. The realities of each day are often difficult and overwhelming. Some people try to escape or avoid dealing with the challenges in their marriage by creating their perfect fantasy spouse.
As a disciple of Jesus, you are instructed to:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
and to: “take every thought captive to obey Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5 ESV
The truth about fantasies for Christians comes down to being faithful to the one you love. When you have made a vow to love, honor, and cherish your spouse, thinking of yourself with anyone else is committing adultery.
I know firsthand how hard it is when your spouse betrays you with someone else. I also know how destructive pornography can be in a marriage. Both of these circumstances are adultery. However, women need to understand that romance books can also lead them down this path of adultery in their mind.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew five:27-28 NIV
What Can You Do?
Your Fantasy Addiction: When your relationship isn’t going the way you wanted, or your spouse doesn’t meet your expectation, which you created, ask Jesus to help you see your husband’s good qualities and to focus on them. Remember, you are not perfect so don’t expect your spouse to be perfect.
Make it your mission every day to tell him at least one thing you appreciate or respect about him. When you sow love and respect into your marriage, Jesus will transform it into his exceptional love.
Spouse Addicted to Porn: You can only change the way you love and respect your husband. You are not responsible nor are you able to save him. Jesus is the only Savior. As his helpmate, you must hold yourself up to Christ’s standards of faithfulness as well as your husband. If your husband is addicted to porn and he’s working with a counselor, a support group, and you are seeing a Christ transformation over time, God can heal your marriage.
However, don’t build a fantasy from the pledge or announcement from your addicted spouse that he was instantly healed. The behaviors of addictions require your addicted spouse to be willing to partner with Jesus to establish healthy behaviors for the rest of his life.
It is vital for you to seek wise counsel from a knowledgeable Christian counselor to set healthy boundaries to take care of yourself and your children. If your spouse refuses to acknowledge or change his porn addiction, ask God to lead you and show you what is best for you and your children.
Abusive Marriage: If you are in an abusive marriage, fantasy fuels domestic abuse and violence. Don’t be fooled into thinking that your abusive husband will one day turn into “Prince Charming,” especially if he is a Christian.
God’s word instructs us to guard our heart. The enemy is waiting to deceive your thoughts into rationalizing abuse as he sparks your desire to be loved and valued. Allowing unhealthy, untruthful, immoral, disrespecting, and dishonoring imaginations or fantasies to live in your mind leads you into domestic abuse. Only you can choose to keep good and honorable thoughts or to delete bad ones. Know God’s truth; it’s NEVER God’s will for you to be abused.
You Are in Control with Jesus
To grow forward in your life and feel safe, loved, and valued, you need to keep your mind sharp to stay in the present. Use a healthy fantasy to take a break, such as a Marvels hero movie or the Wizard of Oz.
As a child of God, you live in Christ every moment of every day. Take his hand and ask him to guide your every thought and step. Trust him with all your heart to show you how to face and overcome the challenges in your life. Live for today and feel his love. See his beauty in the sunrise and use his wisdom, discernment, and strength.
Guard your heart from living in an unhealthy lust fantasy, and you will experience the exceptional love God has designed in you. You have nothing to fear living in Christ. You have everything to gain as you live knowing that you are safe, secure, and loved. Stay encouraged and empowered as you follow me on Facebook now. https://www.facebook.com/darla.colinet
