Although fairytale fantasies are fiction, we often face some of the same elements in our life. We face difficult people and circumstances, we struggle with fear and self-worth, and we want our happily-ever-after on this broken earth. In our real life, every choice has an effect and consequence. We can’t wish our challenges away or pretend they don’t exist like in a fantasy.
We are one-half of our marriage. If we only commit halfway to our marriage, how can we expect a deep, rich, healthy, happy marriage? Likewise, if we are using an imperfect love design with unhealthy aspects, how can we expect our marriage to be healthy?
The only person you can change is yourself with the help of Christ. Our marriage is like a series of dance steps. When one partner changes a step, the other one will notice even if they don’t say anything at first. When you choose to love your spouse in Christ’s design, the new step is done in his love. Your spouse will choose to react or to respond.
Here’s the big secret you have been waiting to find, and it comes from two verses Jesus tells us.
The best place to start asking questions is with yourself. You must know what you believe, why you believe it, and what God’s truth says about your faith and love. When you know your truth, you can have a conversation with your spouse without feeling like you need to defend yourself or change their mind.
Remember, questions in Christ’s love allows your spouse to answer from their perspective, understanding, opinions, and beliefs. It’s your time to listen and see where they come from and what is in their heart. It’s not your job to change their mind or try to fix them. When they ask what you think, share your truths, and create a safe place, you can discuss how you see things differently and why.
If you’re a disciple of Christ, and you sense that you’re stuck in an unhealthy or abusive cycle of communication or behaviors in your marriage, listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit. As you learn from this blog post, there are various factors that many Christians are never made aware of or taught. However, now you know that you have an option to learn how to operate in Christ’s love design instead of using your broken love design.
You can stop struggling to fix your marriage and learn about Christ’s love design. As you work with him and uncover the lies you have believed, he will transform your definition and design of love into his. When you’re using Christ’s love design, you take the tug of wills between your broken love design and your spouse’s out of your relationship.
I loved Jesus and God with my whole heart. However, I hadn’t studied His word, so it wasn’t written and living in my mind. I had used my imperfect knowledge, experience, and faith beliefs about what love was in my relationships, which kept me in the cycle of abuse. Living in my flawed, broken definition of love kept me confused because it was not God and Christ’s pure definition and design of love.
If you struggle to understand Christ’s love, you are not alone. It took me over forty years and enduring three abusive marriages that ended in divorces to whole-heartedly surrender and see Christ’s love design. God helped me see His revelation in Scripture. Jesus showed me my life’s lessons, and he helped me write a clear success path to dwell in his pure love. My life is proof that when Jesus is your one true forever love, all things are possible!
Even some Christians believe that we are to let others hurt us in with the profession of love, but they are misguided. They’re confused about the difference between persecution and abuse. Jesus was persecuted, which brought physical abuse. However, persecution is defined as being subject to hostility and ill-treatment because of religious beliefs. Jesus chose to allow his persecution and abuse unto death only when it was time for him to be crucified.
2020 has taught us that we can only control our mindset, attitudes, beliefs, words, and personal actions. We have also realized that some natural destructive realities of living in a broken world can affect every aspect of our lives. However, as disciples of Christ, we must know and learn how to let Jesus use the challenges we face to show us his love, teach us, and strengthen our faith.
The first step to any change is the awareness that something is not right in the eyes of God; it is disrespectful and dishonoring. In your heart, you know these words or acts would not come from Jesus. Therefore, they must not come from you because Christ lives in you. Many Christ-followers have not been aware of their discriminations or racism until now. However, now that you are aware, you will need to break your learned cycles.