- “I love you but ________________________.”
- “If you would _____________________, then I would love you.”
- “When you________________________, I love you more.”
Most of us hear these statements from at least one person proclaiming to love us during our lifetime. These statements reveal the imperfect standard and understanding of love people have without Jesus Christ. So how can Christ’s disciples live in his love standards versus the flawed definitions of love we grew up with?
Love’s Perfect Origin Reveals Our Standard
Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. (1 John 4:7-10, NLT)
When we hold to God’s truth that he is love, we eliminate the unhealthy definitions, attitudes, characteristics, words, and actions of imperfect love. When we become a disciple of Christ, we commit to living by his love standards. We live in a fallen world overwhelmed with the enemy’s influences of sin and evil. However, we must make no mistake; the smallest step we take from living in the standard of Christ’s love is deviating from walking in his ways.
Jesus tells us. "Whoever is not with me is against me." (Matt. 12:30, ESV)
"Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I tell you?" (Luke 6:46, ESV)
Christ’s life, death, and resurrection reveal the love of God and Jesus. Jesus lived among us to teach us and to show us how his love sounds and looks. When Christ is our standard, how can we go wrong?
The Perfect Love Standard to Give and Receive
God’s truth about love set me free when I understood and lived in his standard of love. It took me many years to learn the aspects of his love and make the necessary changes to my definitions of love. These changes also required me to cut out unhealthy and abusive relationships.
People often quote the love chapter, first Corinthians 13, when they get married. However, evaluating your relationships before you allow people to get close to you can eliminate intense pain and heartache. When I left my first abusive marriage and talked with the minister about my confusion about love and God’s will, he had me go through this exercise.
If you’re questioning the heart, motives, words, and actions of a relationship, complete all three parts of this exercise. Read the verses in column one, from God’s word from The Message version. Next, write the person’s name on all of the lines in the second column. Last, write your name on all the lines in the third column. Write down your comments and your thoughts as you go along.
Be honest with yourself and God because he already knows your truth. If you have a healthy, safe marriage, you can share your self-discoveries with your spouse, and you can both grow. Do not use this to disrespect your spouse or to keep score on who is better in your eyes. These are tools to help you love better and to be aware of characteristics that you need to work on and ones you need to be realistic about in the other person.
Learning From the Results
One of the biggest revelations I discovered when I started studying God’s word, was the reality that I placed a lower value on myself than on others. When I read the second greatest commandment, to love my neighbor as myself, God revealed that my value was equal to my neighbor’s. God tells us that he has no favorites, so therefore, we are equal. Because I had adopted the beliefs of others that I was lower than others, I allowed them to abuse me because I thought I was following God’s will.
I mistook the suffering I endured from abuse from my spouse, who professed to love me, as persecution for believing in following God. Throughout Christ’s life, he never let anyone abuse him because they wanted to. Jesus was persecuted and suffered because he was loyal to God, and he loved us enough to die for us. Christ’s love never condones any type of abuse in any relationship.
If you discover that you or the other person in your relationship does not meet up to a majority of Christ’s love standards through this exercise, educate yourself with facts and God’s truths. Learn what is healthy, unhealthy, and toxic-abusive in relationships at this link. www.GodsTransformingGrace.com.
Study God’s word concerning each of the characteristics in each verse. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you find the source of any misguided beliefs or unhealthy words and actions you have learned and replace them with his truth and pure love. Find a Christian counselor experienced with abuse and let them help you separate the truth from lies. They can also help you get healthy and stay safe if you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship or marriage.
Live in the Healthy Love of Jesus
"Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other." (John 13:35, MSG)
God’s Word is not a suggestion. Our generation has the privilege of reading God’s instructions from the Bible. We must decide that we will live by his Word and follow his ways, or we will not. God’s love has never changed for his people.
When you choose to be a disciple of Christ, you are vowing to love like him. Loving as Jesus means you will also make sure others treat you with the respect and honor they would give Christ. Never forget Jesus lives in you. Take time to evaluate the health of your love and those closest to you. We all make choices and change. Take the time for relationship check-ups, to draw new boundaries to stay healthy, or to cut the deadly relationships out of your life. Remember, abuse is not in God’s will or plan. Stay healthy in Christ’s love!
