- God, your words says that you love me, but why can’t I feel your love?
- I know Jesus died for me because he loves me, yet why do I struggle to feel his love?
- Why do some of the words and actions of Christians come out as hurtful and unloving?
- If Jesus lives in me through Salvation, how can I so be confused about love?
Seek God’s Answers
Finding the answers to these questions has been the journey of my life for fifty-six years. I share this fact with you to help you see that even though we walk with Jesus, we may not realize that we are not living in his definition and design of love.
In the middle of my third marriage, I cried out to God for help. Clearly, I didn’t understand the real definition of God’s love, or I wouldn’t continue to make toxic love choices. I wanted to know what I was missing and how I could truly dwell in his pure love. My plea turned into a determination to seek God for his truth until he revealed it to me.
In my search, God led me into his word and showed me the life of Jesus. As I examined what Jesus said and did in his compassion and love for others, I realized his love naturally operated in aspects that mine did not. I also saw that loving God and Jesus didn’t dissolve the limitations of my imperfect human knowledge and understanding of Christ’s pure love.
You’re Not Alone in Your Confusion
My first revelation was the fact that we aren’t born knowing all the aspects of Christ’s love and how to live in them. As a result, we create our imperfect definition and understanding of love from our imperfect messages, experiences, beliefs, and role models. If we have grown up with an unhealthy definition and understanding of love, subconsciously, we will transfer and adjust God’s and Christ’s love into our imperfect love design.
The primary confusion about love for Christians comes from the fact that they don’t realize they may be operating from their imperfect definition and understanding of love. People can only operate from what they know. Without learning all the aspects of Christ’s love, we will operate in what we know as love.
Find Christ’s Path for Love
I incorporated the knowledge I gained from God’s truth, and my love design began to change. God’s revelation helped me see that I was looking for other people to show me the love that only God could reveal from Christ’s life. Deep inside, I knew that I could feel his love, but in my human experiences, I had no path to help me access his love.
I began to see how my unawareness of all of the aspects of Christ’s love and his design kept me operating in my broken love design, even though I receive salvation at seven. As I wrote down how Christ’s love differed from our human love, I heard a small voice asking me to create a clear path for other confused believers to follow and find clarity. Because Christ’s love came from God, the creator of perfect love (1 John 4:16, NIV), his love is the design or blueprint that Christ’s disciples must follow.
Once I studied the life of Jesus and the aspects of his love compared to mine, he helped me see my unawareness, limitations, confusion, and how I was deceived. He showed me how the enemy had used the hurt and pain in my life to keep me confused and overwhelmed by my emotions. My focus was on survival and obtaining any form of love, not on finding God’s truth.
Aspects of Christ’s Love Design
Looking at the love and life of Jesus, I saw that the foundation for Christ’s unchanging love comes from the first and second commandments. Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'(Matt. 22:37-39, NIV) As Jesus lives his life within the second commandment of loving others as he loves himself, we can see these seven key aspects.
- Jesus shows us how God must be first in everything.
- We see that Jesus knows his identity in God.
- We see that he trusts God’s plan for him as he lives in obedience, including death and resurrection.
- Jesus shows us how he loves himself equally as he loves others. We see this in his self-care, respect, responsibility, freedom, and healthy boundaries.
- Jesus never allows himself to be a doormat, degraded, or disrespected.
- He gives himself and people the freedom to choose. He meets them where they are in compassion but doesn’t force his word, help, or opinion.
- Jesus never begs, bargains, manipulates, bullies, humiliates, degrades, or disrespects people. He treats people with the fruits of the Spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control. (Gal. 5:22-23, NIV)
All aspects of Christ’s love listed above are revealed in the fruits of his attitudes, words, actions, and life. Jesus tells us several times to evaluate people by the fruit they bear. When people who claim to be Christians are not operating from an abundance of these aspects in Christ’s love design, you will know it by their fruits.
Find Clarity and Thrive in Christ’s Love
Our primary responsibility as Christ’s disciple is to work with him and let him transform us through his truth, healing, and in our daily walk with him. Because we are all born into sin, and we create a broken love design, we have lived in this design for most of our lives. Until we learn Christ’s love design and how to follow his path, we will continue operating in our broken one even though we desire to follow Jesus. Only he can help us operate from his healthy love design. However, faith takes our active participation and willingness to learn and follow his ways. We will have to work through our broken love design, with< professional help, if necessary, to understand how we got deceived and confused. Once we work through our wounds and eliminate our confusion about God's healthy love through his truth, we can thrive in Christ's healthy exceptional love design!
Beloved,let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.(1 John 4:7-8, ESV)
