I never heard my Christian parents raise their voices to one another or fight. However, I ended up in an abusive Christian marriage for thirteen years. How do any of us end up in a hurtful or an abusive marriage, especially when we love Jesus and go to church? The answer is two-fold. First, we’re not born fully knowing God’s definition of love and truth. Second, we do what we’ve come to accept as “normal” from our life experiences. In other words, we subconsciously choose to do what we know automatically.
Even though I grew up knowing God was real and I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior at the age of seven, I didn’t understand it was my responsibility to partner with Jesus and study God’s word to know Him for myself. Without personally discovering and knowing God’s design for love, I relied on what I’d come to accept as my truth about love and marriage. My truth was based on my life experiences, what other people showed me, and what I heard from pastors at church.
The Truth Can’t Be Divided
Without one definition of true pure love, every person creates their personalized definition. The result is billions of definitions of love and marriage based on imperfect perspectives, values, and morals.
The billions of accepted imperfect truths about love and marriage are the ultimate playground for the devil. He loves to invite you to get on the merry-go-round of trying to fix yourself. You spin around with the hope that being what he wants will magically make him stop hurting you and love you. The enemy uses your swinging emotions to lure victims on the monkey-bars of blame. He makes you believe everything is your responsibility to carry and move along, and it’s your fault if anything goes wrong. The devil loves to place you on the see-saw of a few good moments to keep you fantasizing your abuser is secretly a loving person amidst all the pain you experience daily.
How the Enemy Uses Deception
The enemy’s goal is to steal, kill, and destroy your hope and your ability to live in God’s pure love. He deceives you into believing you’ll have to settle for the definitions of love you’ve experienced in life. However, you’re not bound by the devil’s definitions, designs, or plans when you learn God’s truth. You have the power and authority of Jesus living in you. Use it to discover and follow God’s definition and design of love and marriage revealed in the Bible.
Your Mind Map to Love’s Truth
To help you understand how you’ve been deceived by the devil, you’ll need to see how your beliefs about love compare to God’s truth in black and white.
- First, take out a clean sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. Write down every thought, belief, and moral you have about love in a list format without stopping BY HAND in the left column. Don’t worry about spelling or other language structure. Be honest and let your heart and mind flow out onto your paper until you can’t think of anything else to write. Don’t be surprised if your sentences stir up emotions.
- Next, find a study Bible online if you don’t have one. If you’re online, type the words love, God’s love, and Jesus’ love in the search box. Find the verses that touch your heart and study the full scripture Look for other study resources and see what Jesus wants to tell you. Write your special verses in the right column on your paper. Allow yourself days or weeks to explore this journey with Jesus.
- Finally, look at your list. You’ll be amazed how the twist in your mind and heart may come down to one word, the absence of a word, or a complete difference of perspective you’ve accepted as your truth.
Once you see your truth next to God’s in your own handwriting, you have the choice to believe God or to keep living in your definition. As you study God’s word, you’ll realize His love is not a feeling but an intimate relationship and lifestyle honoring Christ’s sacrifice for you.
‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets” Matthew 22:36-40 NIV.
Decide on the Definition of Love You Will Follow
The world’s description, morals, and understanding of love are self-focused which are in direct opposition to God’s. However, with Jesus Christ, you can live in God’s definition. No matter where you are in your journey of understanding God’s love and your faith, God will help you live in His design of love as you walk closely with him.
If you discover your intimate or marriage relationship is far from God’s love design, and you find yourself full of anxiety, fear, isolation, confusion, or feeling powerless, you may not realize you are being abused?
You can find out the truth by clicking this link for your free download. Overcome Your Anxiety, Fear, and Powerlessness in Your Hurtful Relationship. Are You Being Abused? Knowing the truth about your relationship and God’s word will empower you to partner with him and begin or continue your healing journey from abuse. Be courageous and find your truth!
