My husband says he loves me, yet, his words and actions don’t feel like love. I’m trying to love him like Jesus, but what does that really mean as a wife and a husband?
Realization Creates Opportunity
When I think of how many times I asked myself this question in my previous unhealthy marriage, I’m reminded of how confused I was about love. To understand what Christ’s love is, I had to know my definition and understanding of love and where it came from.
When you’ve tried everything you know how to do to fix your marriage, without success, it’s time to cry out to God in complete surrender. Your surrender opens the door for him to show you, His ways. As long as you keep trying to make things work in your own wisdom and strength, you are blocking God.
God and Jesus are gentlemen, and they will never force their way or overpower your free will. You must surrender control and seek their ways. As you let go, God will gently show you their truth.
When I came to the end of myself in the middle of my third abusive marriage, I asked God to show me what his true love really was. Over the next few years, he asked me many questions that encouraged me to examine my definition, understanding, beliefs, and experiences about the imperfect love I had created from my life. I also compared everything to God’s truth, and that is when everything changed.
Seeing Truth Brings Clarity
During my exploration, I wrote down my answers in black and white and compared them to the example of Christ’s love. As I studied the differences, I saw how broken my love was and that I didn’t even know it. God also revealed how the enemy kept me focused on trying to feel loved so I wouldn’t seek God’s truth about his marriage plan.
Many believers don’t realize they are still operating from their broken love design, which is why they are confused about love. In their broken love design, they can only love others and let others love them according to their definition of love. They don’t realize that Christ’s love is full of respect, responsibility, freedom, healthy boundaries, and an abundance of the fruits of the spirit.
Misunderstandings About a Christian Marriage
In their broken love design, many believers have been misguided or deceived into believing that being a Christian wife means they must be a submissive, obedient doormat. These incorrect beliefs come from the false messages they heard, their experiences, and the role models they watched growing up.
What does it look like to love your spouse like Jesus? It means you value your spouse equally to yourself. God created marriage as a partnership that operates in respect, responsibility, freedom, and safe boundaries. Christ’s example as our bridegroom shows us these aspects and an abundance of the fruits of the spirit.
God’s design for marriage was to depict Christ’s love for the church. The husband is instructed to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Eph. 5:25, NIV) Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. (Eph. 5:25, NIV)
Although wives are instructed to respect, obey, and submit to their husbands, it’s vital to understand God’s context and meaning of these words. God’s instructions are never to be misused as a tool of control or manipulation. So many Christian couples have been misled to believe that loving like Jesus means we must sacrifice everything and allow our spouse to hurt us. These beliefs are lies, and we must eliminate them with God’s truth.
For a husband to love their wife like Christ, he will treat her with respect, honor, freedom, encouragement, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and respect her healthy boundaries. He will not speak or act in any way that Jesus would not. As he loves his wife like Christ, it’s easy for the wife to respect, honor, and follow or submit to his Christ-centered lead.
Jesus lives his life as our example. He never depicted being a doormat. He didn’t allow other people to disrespect, manipulate, misuse, or abuse him. He drew healthy boundaries to guard his heart. We must never confuse Jesus choosing to be the sacrifice for all our sins as allowing others to disrespect, use, or abuse him. Any form of abuse by the husband or wife is never God’s will or design for marriage. If you find yourself with questions about the health of your relationship, go to these resources. Signs of healthy, unhealthy, and toxic, abusive relationships.
How to Love like Jesus
The easiest way to learn how to love your spouse like Jesus is to understand all the aspects within his love design in a clear path. No matter how much you love your spouse or how much your spouse proclaims to love Jesus and you, the only love design you can change is your own with Jesus. Every disciple of Jesus is responsible for learning to love others as he loves us.
You are one-half of your marriage, and you are responsible for learning to love your spouse like Jesus. You can begin your journey by reading the book Quest for Exceptional Love, transform your loving relationships through Christ love design. Your journey will take you through self-awareness and help you discover God’s truth about love. You will see how Christ’s love is healthy. It was never designed to condone any form of unhealthiness or abuse.
Even if you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you can still love like Jesus because his love includes respect, responsibility, freedom, and healthy boundaries. If you are in an unhealthy or abusive marriage, please see a counselor experienced with abuse to follow Christ’s love design in a safe manner. Never make big changes like setting boundaries without professional help to make sure you stay safe.
As your love changes, your spouse may decide to journey with Jesus as well and live in his love design. However, every spouse has the freedom to make their own choice of whose love they will follow. Each spouse is responsible for their choices and will be held accountable to Christ.
I wish I could tell you that your marriage will instantly be great if you live in Christ’s love design. But, learning to love like Jesus is a choice each spouse must make. It is not an instant download that we receive. Be very careful if you are in an abusive marriage; let God direct your steps.
No one can do something new and different until they learn something new and different and put it into practice. You can love Jesus with your whole heart, but if you still believe the lies about love you have operated from your entire life, you will continue to be confused and frustrated about love.
Part of our faith journey with Jesus is to learn what it means to love like him in all your relationships. The first step to making a change in your life is acknowledging that you’re missing vital information. Second, seek God’s truth with your whole heart until you find it. Third, walk with Jesus in complete surrender so he can teach you how to love yourself and your spouse, as he loves us.
When both spouses learn to operate from Christ’s love design, a marriage can be healed, happy, and thrive. But even if it is just your choice to learn to love like Jesus, he is faithful to help you grow, and he will lead and guide you in his wisdom, strength, and power. God’s plans for you are good, and they include loving yourself and others like Jesus!
Begin your journey to love like Jesus by ordering your book today!
