“If you are truly a godly wife, you would stop questioning me. You would always be kind, agreeable, and submit to me without question. Good Christian wives are supposed to be quiet and obedient.”
Many Christian wives have heard these confusing statements. Wives want to be godly. But is it really God’s will for them not to be able to question their spouse? Can’t they have an opinion and the freedom to disagree or say no?
Missing Information About Being a Godly Wife
Hundreds of articles and blogs about the characteristics of a godly wife are all over the Internet. However, very few of them discuss the realities of dealing with unhealthy or abusive spouses who proclaim to follow Jesus. God created women as a helpmate, or in the Greek definition, a completion to man.
Many of the characteristics of godly women carry over to all the disciples of Christ. If you choose to follow Jesus, you are instructed to love your spouse as if they were Christ himself. Disciple’s are also instructed to be kind, gentle, loving, joyful, peaceful, faithful, good, respectful, honoring, responsible, accountable, repentant, and full of his grace and mercy.
Whether we are the wife or the husband, our commitment to Christ means that we will work with him and follow his example. We will commit to learning what it means to love and live like Jesus as we surrender our imperfect and unhealthy thoughts, words, habits, and behaviors. God holds each spouse equally to Christ’s standards.
Misunderstood and Misused Scripture
Unfortunately, in the church’s history and in many denominations, the primary responsibility for the marriage is placed on the wife. Wives are told to be kind, forgiving, and understanding no matter how their husbands speak to them or treat them, even if they are abusive. One of the most misused Scriptures on Christian wives is on submission.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. (Eph. 5:22-24, NLT)
This verse has been twisted and used to manipulate Christian wives into believing they must submit to anything and everything the husband wants without question. When spouses use this verse out of context and as manipulation, it is totally unbiblical. For example, it is never God’s will for wives to submit to sinful behavior done to them. God’s will doesn’t include breaking laws or commands or allowing Christ living in us to be degraded or abused. A wife’s body is the temple of Christ, and she must make sure it is being honored.
Although many churches have preached the passage above for wives, they often leave out the following passages concerning husbands.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.
In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. (Eph. 5:25,28-29, NLT)
These passages paint a clear picture that husbands are instructed to treat their wives as if they were Christ himself. To treat their wife in any other manner is to disobey God’s word. When husbands love their wives as Christ, they will treat them with all of Christ’s characteristics, including submitting to God’s ways.
God Designed Marriage as a Partnership
When both spouses truly follow Christ, their marriage is healthy and full of respect, honor, and the freedom to question, disagree, and say no. Jesus himself never gave up his voice or the freedom to say no. He chose to submit and obey God alone, making it possible for anyone who believes in him to be saved for all eternity.
God desires for us to have healthy, happy marriages centered in Him in equal partnership. When both spouses keep God first and continually grow their personal relationships with Jesus Christ, they help one another through the hard times, and they rejoice in the good times. God did not design Scripture to be twisted and used as manipulation to control a spouse.
However, this has become a reality when we look at domestic abuse statistics among Christian marriages, which is the same number for non-Christian marriages. It’s time for all believers to learn what it really means to love and live as Jesus did on earth. We must show our fellow believers how to study God’s word and grow our personal relationship with Jesus.
We must learn Christ’s definition and characteristics of love and follow them. We will thrive in happy, healthy marriages when we love as he did in respect, honor, healthy boundaries, love, patience, and self-control. Christian marriages must be better than non-believer’s marriages. This is only possible when we follow the love of Christ!
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