“I’m sorry.” These words rang in my ears as I secretly tied an ice pack around my arm and concealed it with a baggy sweat shirt before my Christian husband came back. He left in a rage to get some air. He said I frustrated him because I didn’t move out of his way fast enough, so he grabbed me by the arm and yanked me out of his way.
The dictionary’s definition of the word sorry is a feeling of distress, especially through sympathy, (compassion and empathy), with someone else’s misfortune. This definition is not accurate for abusers because they choose to hurt you to have control and power over you.
An abuser uses the words “I’m sorry” to manipulate the victim’s feelings and confuse her into believing she is responsible for determining his mood and actions. He shifts the blame on her to avoid taking responsibility for his destructive actions. The abuser tells her, “if she were smarter or prettier he wouldn’t have to hurt her.” All his motives reveal the purpose of abuse—POWER and CONTROL.
The lies of the abuser can make the Christian victim even more confused if she doesn’t know the truth about God’s love for her. He uses parts of scripture to manipulate and guilt her into believing his “sorry” means she must act like nothing happened to prove she forgives him.
All Christ followers are called to mirror the heart, character, actions, and words of Jesus Christ. When we sin and fall short, we are called to repent. True repentance has two parts. The first is to be grieved by your choice to sin against God and or one of His children and ask Him for forgiveness. The second part of repentance means you commit to turning completely away from your sins and partner with Jesus to do all you can to prevent yourself from repeating your sin.
When your husband or significant other says he loves you and then he chooses to degrade, intimidate, control, or scare you; or he uses his hands to flick, pinch, shove, slap, punch, or hurt you in any way the words “I’m sorry” are a twisted lie.
I have broken through the twisted lies and moved to the healed side of twenty years of abuse through God’s transforming grace. If God can heal my heart, He can heal yours too. Only you can choose to stop living your life in the twisted lies of “I’m sorry.” Only you can choose to end the abuse in your life and be healed by God’s grace.
Decide to find the safest way to stop your abuse today by contacting professionals trained in abuse and domestic violence to ensure you are making safe decisions. Call a local safe house or the National Domestic Hotline, especially If you are in immediate danger. Make the decision to live as a daughter of God in His design of love today—safe, secure, and loved.
Safety Plan: http://www.domesticviolence.org/personalized-safety-plan/
National Domestic Violence Hotline open 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233;
hearing impaired call 1-800-787-3224.
