At the age of eighteen, I thought domestic abuse was defined as a man punching a woman and leaving her with a black eye. I was told. “Every man has a limit. When a woman pushes him too hard, it’s normal for him to lose his temper and blow up.”
Although it’s true that every man and woman has a limit to their self-control, only each person decides when to give up their self-control and hurt someone with their words or actions. Because I believed the true and twisted aspects of these statements, I thought it was the woman’s responsibility to make sure her husband didn’t get upset.
My Mindset Determined My “Normal”
My mindset led me to accept it was “normal” for a woman to expect to be punished if she provoked her husband’s anger. The enemy loves to twist a strand of truth with rationalizations, excuses, and entitlement in your mind to justify why someone who professes to love you, would hurt you. I didn’t realize that my marriage focused on making my husband happy to avoid making him mad, instead of love. At this point in my life, I didn’t know about God’s design of love and marriage.
My unawareness and deceived mindset mentally transferred the responsibility and accountability of my husband’s emotions, self-control, and actions to me. This transference is one of the main indicators of abuse.
The Truth
The truth is:
- No one can choose what another person thinks and believes.
- No one can choose another person’s attitude, words, or actions.
- No one is responsible for what you say or do, except you.
Do not be deceived like Adam and Eve by not seeking God’s truth in His word. We have no excuse not to study and learn about God’s design of love with our access to the Bible.
Jesus told us, God “will repay each person according to what they have done.” To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. Romans 2:6-8 NIV
Believing these false statements twisted my understanding of what a healthy loving relationship looked like. The twisted combination of one truth with false statements along with my hurtful messages and love experiences skewed my beliefs about what was “normal” in a loving relationship. I had no clue these standards and behaviors were unhealthy and not God’s design of love and marriage. Once I began to study God’s design of love and marriage my heart, mind, and spirit were set free from my misunderstood responsibilities to myself and my abusive ex-husband.
What is Your Truth?
If you have been deceived into believing any unhealthy abusive statements or behaviors are “normal” or acceptable to Christ, I am here to testify they are lies. Jesus will reveal all the lies in your life as you study his life in God’s word. God’s design of love and marriage are built on the foundation blocks of respect, honor, kindness, gentleness, patience, boundaries, and loving yourself as you love others equally.
If you have been a victim of abuse or you are unsure if you are being victimized, it’s time to know the truth. Being hurt or abused in your marriage is not God’s plan for you. He wants you to live in His love and let the love of Jesus that dwells in you flow out to others.
What do you need to learn about abuse and what God says about it in His word? I have created resources to help you on your way to discover the truth and to start your journey to break through any imprisoning beliefs or abuse. Click on this link https://godstransforminggrace.com/resources/ Start on your path to freedom now!
