“What is a mountain to you?” I asked my husband from Pennsylvania the first time I visited him as we walked a “mountain trail.”
His definition of a mountain came from his experience of the 2,000-foot mountains he grew up around. He had never seen the 14,000-foot mountains that I had known from growing up in Colorado. Likewise, my definition of a river was a small stream compared to the large rivers he grew up around.
Danger of Assumptions
We both found the differences in our definitions to be funny and thought-provoking. As we courted, we began to ask one another questions about love, faith, and marriage. We discovered some areas that needed to be talked about and looked at according to God’s word through our conversations.
The saying is true that we see the world from our pair of rose-colored glasses. The challenge for the disciples of Christ is to realize that our view is not the same as our spouse’s view. Even if two people experience the same event at the same time, they will see it differently.
When we assume our spouse sees or understands love the same way we do, we take away the opportunity to grow in our relationship. We must be willing to meet our spouse where they are with respect while exploring our differences to know their heart and mind at a deeper level.
With Jesus as our example, we must ask ourselves questions and be willing to ask questions of our spouse. Questions help us see our differences, confusion, or any deception that has entered our minds and hearts. God designed spouses to be partners and to build one another up. When both spouses are grounded and following God’s truths and Christ’s example, your marriage will be guided by Christ’s love.
Know What You Believe First
The best place to start asking questions is with yourself. You must know what you believe, why you believe it, and what God’s truth says about your faith and love. When you know your truth, you can have a conversation with your spouse without feeling like you need to defend yourself or change their mind.
Remember, questions in Christ’s love allows your spouse to answer from their perspective, understanding, opinions, and beliefs. It’s your time to listen and see where they come from and what is in their heart. It’s not your job to change their mind or try to fix them. When they ask what you think, share your truths, and create a safe place, you can discuss how you see things differently and why.
When you discuss your faith beliefs, love, and marriage, it is important to know what they believe and why they believe it. However, it is vital that you are both on the same page about how love looks, what it says, and how it acts according to Christ’s example. Does everything we say or do to our spouse respect, honor, and glorify Christ living inside of them and us?
If you discover that some unhealthy beliefs, words, or actions have been deemed okay, or your spouse gets angry by the questions, stop asking questions. You may be living in an abusive cycle without realizing it. Seek help from a Christian counselor experienced in abuse, NOT a couple’s counselor. Do not say or do anything to make your spouse angry that can put you in danger. If you need immediate help, call your local women’s shelter or the Abuse Hotline 800-799-7233. For information about unhealthy relationships, abuse, and what God says, visit my resources https://godstransforminggrace.com/abuse-and-domestic-violence-information/.
Ask the Questions Jesus Asked First
If your spouse is open to discussing what each of you thinks and believes and why, then your marriage can grow in Christ and thrive in his love. It’s best to begin with the questions Jesus asked people during his ministry. Remember, ask yourself these questions first and seek God’s word for His truth.
Jesus asked. “Do you believe? Have you asked your spouse if and what they believe about God, Jesus, Salvation, the Bible, and the Holy Spirit? Do you know the differences between your beliefs and which ones are founded in God’s word?
Jesus asked. “Who do you say I am?” Have you asked your spouse who do they say Jesus is? The way our spouse sees Jesus may be different. Which of your beliefs or your spouse’s are confirmed by God’s word, and which ones are opinions? Both of your Salvation and love beliefs must be grounded in God’s word to keep Jesus at the center of your marriage.
Jesus asked. “Do you love me?” Have you asked your spouse what this question means to them? What does it mean to “love” Jesus? What does loving your spouse as Christ look like to them? How does loving Jesus affect your attitudes, words, and actions?
Your Personal Relationship with Jesus Can Transform Your Marriage
Being disciples of Christ comes first. As we individually learn to love like Jesus through his love design, we will be united with our spouse through Christ’s love. Imagine how much richer and deeper your personal relationship with Jesus will be and your marriage.
When you and your spouse can work together following the path of Christ’s love, your unique perspectives and experiences work together. You will find what you lack your partner may be strong in and vice versa. God has a way of transforming us, so we help one another, and we can walk in unity, peace, and His exceptional love!
As disciples of Jesus, it’s time to live in his command. “Love one another, as I have loved you.” (John 15:12) Take the struggles, confusion, and frustration out of your marriage by learning and living in Christ’s love design. Start your journey with Jesus now and order your copy of Quest for Exceptional Love, Transform your love and relationships through Christ’s love design.
Grow in your understanding and relationship with Jesus by joining my private Facebook group Growing Through God’s Transforming Grace, https://www.facebook.com/groups/growingthroughgod.
